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Warning: This is a ranty pissed off but really just depressed angsty post about stupid people. Don't be surprised if you see large amounts of - I just get the idea to send him a message then I realized he probably wouldn't respond anyway for reasons too be explained soon- ... anyway. Large amounts of tears and profanity.

It's almost like he really took the meaning of me being like a sister to him too far. Brothers don't tell sisters things you stopped telling me. When you like someone I have to read about it in a freaking status and then ask you about it. When you're depressed, I notice it right away. I try talking to you about it. You can't admit it in person, only over the internet. Then it turns into me talking about how amazing you are, I say something that makes you uncomfortable or realize that I've said too much and the conversation stops. A lot of our conversations have been this way lately. Being such good friends means we can talk about the more serious and important stuff, but I like talking and laughing and having fun with you, too. The things you complain about with my personality the most are the things I have begun to do to protect myself from you. I like to put up an apathetic front around you a lot. When I let my emotions show, show how much I care, I cry more than I care to. Like now. Do you want me to tell you how much I care? You don't. I know you don't. You just think I'm annoying. do you remember that night you and him (him- the guy I liked but stopped as soon as you became involved in our relationship. That happens a lot) called me at 11:30 at night? I was sobbing right before you called and you didn't even fucking notice. How can you say we're "best friends" and not notice when I'm that distraught? I've told you that I look up to you about everything, that you are one of the few people I am most comfortable around, that you are one of my best friends, that you are one of the people i put up that apathetic front for..... I've confessed so much about my platonic feelings towards you. Yet I feel like it's only pushing you away. Am I really annoying you that much? Do you know who I don't let go when you say something and won't explain? It's not a habit of mine. You're the only person I do it with. I need to know what you are thinking anytime it's related to me. I always secretly wonder what other people think when they see us together. It could be anything. It could be nothing. It could be that we're such perfect friends, that we always argue like an old married could, or like siblings, we are an unlikely friendship, something more. Or maybe they don't realize anything at all. I almost posted a tumblr post asking the band kids from our school what they think, I talk about you enough on there. They probably have put it together by now. But they also probably don't care. Why would they? It's just insignificant me. I wonder if they have put it toge I hate it when I am talking to you and these girls that you call annoying hoes come up and you redirect your attention to them. I used to wait for you, but if you want me to start acting like I care every time one of them walks in I need to turn around and walk out. You want me to act like I care? Fine. I will cry if I need to cry. It will be obvious how much I love and need you. You won't like it. But if that's what you want.

Yesterday I was messaging you. I thought it was an okay conversation. You were taking weird amount of time to reply though. I guess i figured out why. Scrolling down my news feed I saw you were talking to someone else. She is more important, better, prettier. You like her better, in every way and every sense. Who ever she is. It's not like you'll tell me. You've stopped telling me.

I keep checking my facebook to see if you replied yet. Shocking, you havn't. I wonder who she is. But more I wonder why you haven't told me.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I won't get to see you. Not for another 2 weeks. I didn't even get the chance to say bye.
Will you call me to say Happy Birthday at least? Or message me or write on my wall? anything?
For some reason, I don't think you will. Thanks, best friend.

You look at us like Harry and Hermione. I wish we were a Hermione and Ron. Too bad for me I guess.

Ever since this weekend I just can't get you off my mind. Not for more than a few minutes at a time. I can just be sitting there, and you will say or do something and something in my mind clicks. I've realized with each click I fall more and more for you.

At the assembly today, I felt perfect. You on one side, we were sitting there quietly joking talking... smiling laughing. the whole ban mush have noticed. I was watching simple music from the chorus, I had another friend on the other side... it felt perfect to me. The only thing that could have made it better is if you felt just as perfect as I did.