Story Time

I feel like having story time with you guys.

So I will.

As the post of earlier today said, I just finished band camp where I am one of three first trumpets. While we don't exactly play the best, the seconds and third get worked with a lot more than we do. Sometimes it's us getting worked with while they sit there, but usually not. No offense to them, I love them all. Because of this, it's often that the three of us have nothing to do. We can't exactly practice individually while people are being worked with right next to us. Listening to them gets boring really quick. So, the others- being trumpets- decide to goof off or do dumb stuff that always ends in talking.

Yesterday some of our talking ended in particularly weird things. Weird could also be considered a bit... inappropriate, but whatever. ;)

Perry randomly asked Brent what size his moth piece is. He said it is a one-and-a-half...ish. Perry said that it must be really huge then. I disagreed and we got into an argument about if smaller numbers meant bigger or larger mouthpiece holes. So, we put out mouthpieces right next to each others. Mine is a 5C ( I really need a new one. :/) and his is a 3C. So, we put them next to each other and he said "My hole is bigger." Before I argued, I saw Luke standing next to me. He was sitting there trying not to burst our laughing. A moment later, we both started laughing. Then Perry realized we were laughing and a second later he realized why. We all were just there laughing so much. Brent asked us a random question about something the thirds/seconds were doing. We were still laughing when answering the few questions. Then he turned back like it was normal. None of them had any idea what happened. It was great.

A little later, we got to relax again. We were just sitting there and Perry had a hold of one stick and was hitting tiny pieces of other sticks or pine cones with it. Luke started to throw some at him to him (I was sitting between them making me get hit more than once. You know... I realized it's a really... weird place to be. Between their perverted and obnoxious selves. In arc, that is.) It was really an entertaining situation... seeing how many times it took for Perry to finally hit the little twig. Then Luke decided to do the same thing, but he had a really lame twig to do so, so Perry handed him a larger one and I don't remember exactly what he said, but it was something like "You need a bigger stick". We all just started laughing. It was great.

I love being a first trumpet. Seriously.... while there is more expectation and a larger need to prove yourself, it's also more relaxed in a way. We are all in it together. When we sit there talking we do form a bit of a... comradeship. We get to know each other better and we talk about playing and give each other advice or criticism. It's really a level above where I was last year, in second land. I even feel like being here made Luke have a not so great opinion of me to one where I now have of him. We are not friends or anything, but there is that section connection. And a stronger one with being firsts together. I don't know if it's new to this year, or if it's always been this way, but I feel like the firsts have a stronger comradeship than the seconds or thirds do together. I say that from experience. I love being in this spot. I know I'll miss it when I go, but my spot will be filled (Hopefully with someone sexy ;D ) and the connection will continue. The amazing connection that brings more expectation from you, but is totally worth it.

Reflection on Band Camp

So, I'm not really sure how to write these blogs. My two current followers know the basics of what is going on in my life. But if in the future I get more readers who read this, they won't know and might be confused as to what I am talking about.

So...yeah.

On of the most important things to me is and very well might always be band. Marching band, band, trumpet..... all of it. The past three days, I've spent 9am-9pm at marching band camp. It's the beginning of my third and last marching band season at my high school. If you read my last post, I'm already freaking out about it. It's my last year. My last chance to make it good. My last year with all of these memory building moments. My last time being on a team of people all working our asses of for this greater purpose. To create something amazing together. To experience that amazing indescribable feeling together. When you walk off the field after an amazing performance... you feel so happy and proud and amazing and... it's the best feeling in the world. We put a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get that feeling. It's totally worth it, too. And it's my last year doing so. And the thought of that seriously makes me want to cry. A lot. You can say it's pathetic, but it's true.

So, as I said, I just finished my last June Band Camp. It was a lot of pain. I'm so sore. I should be VERY satisfied with how it went- it was VERY good for June. But I'm not satisfied. Not even close. Before anyone flips out, let me complain.
Everyone keeps saying how good we are tight now. Music, marching, movement... all that. They say it is good. But there is something often left unspoken at the end. "It's really good!"... for June. And for me, that's not good enough. It's good for the rest of the band. I am so proud of my friends and fellow band members. They are all doing great for being the first camp. Sure, the second and third trumpets need to play a little louder and with much more confidence but it's good. I'm pretty sure it's the same with all of the other sections, too.

But me being good for it being June is not good enough for me. I am second chair. I was almost section leader. I need to be beyond this level. My music this year is so much more difficult than last year. I knew that being considered ready to step it up to first would come with the more difficult music. It's not exactly hard to play, but it's hard to play well. And I am not doing it well. Perry (my section leader/ first chair) says my problem is lack of confidence. At the beginning of the camp, the third chair player, Luke, were about the same talent level. We both had our strengths, but I was still second chair for a reason. After these three days, I have no been progressing like I should. He is. I don't know if I would say he is a better player than I am, but he can play the music better than I can. It's hard to play with confidence when I know that the chair below me belongs in my chair and I know they both know it. Perry jokes around about it a lot, but he is serious about it at the same time. I know he would rather have Luke as second chair. I can't be confident when I know this. When I told him about it, he told me "No you deserve it you just have to show me you have it in you" It's more difficult than I thought it would be.

At the end of that conversation I asked him to be a lot harder on me next camp. He knows when I am not doing as well as I can - marching and playing. He can give me crap for it. Somehow make sure I am giving 100% effort 100% of the time. I might regret asking that of him when he does, but it'll be good for me. Friday I was so tired and sore and felt like crap and could not concentrate on doing well. When we went in for lunch, Perry pointed out that I was slacking. I told him I know, but I was so tired and felt so horrible. They were not giving us enough water breaks to keep me up to standard either. He agreed and said it was okay because I "worked my ass off" Wednesday and Thursday. It still was not okay. I shouldn't have let that effect me for those three hours.

Perry is a really great section leader. But there any a few things he is not doing well. He is not demanding the respect and compliance of his section. He needs to take more command over us. When we are slacking he needs to say so. When he wants us to do something, or just needs to say something to us, he needs to be confident and tell us so. If we don't do it, he should force us to. Threaten us with punishment and if necessary make us do said punishment. When he told us not to sit on the drill field, we did anyway. He shouldn't have allowed that. Our tech (a staff member who works with us. There is generally one who specializes with each section) , Brent, tells him he needs to worry less about being our friend and more about giving us command. Not be an ass hole like... other section leaders in the past. But still tell us what to do ans make sure we do that. A lot of times the third trumpets will be playing with horrible posture or horn angles, and I tell him to fix it. I know what it's like. Posture slips their mind so a small reminder will fix it. I am guilty of it, too. He is a good section leader. He really is. He just needs to not be afraid of being a bit more assertive. I don't think it's a coincidence that "assertive" has the word "ass" in it. When dealing with unwilling and noncomplying people, if you're going to be assertive, you have to be a bit of an ass. Not much, but a little. Just be willing to yell and punish when needed.

So, basically, I think the band is doing great. But it's my last year and I need to make it good. I need to put in a lot more effort than I ever have. Even though marching band it the thing I have put the most effort into ever, it needs to be kicked up a notch. My playing and movement needs to be on a level far beyond where it is. It's good. But not good enough. I can improve it on my own, but to get where I want to be, I need my leader there pushing me further than he thinks necessary. I'm being really hard on myself this year, and pushing myself farther than I have. It'll be tough, but I know I am ready. This camp only confirmed that belief.

See

Can't you see?
How much I look up to you?
How much you inspire me?
How much you lead me?

Can't you see?
When you're around
everything I do is for you?
All I do is about you.

Can't you see?
I just want you to approve
of who I am?
Who I am for you.

Can't you see?
How much you do for me?
How much I would do for you?
How much I love you.

Cliché

Two friends
A boy and a girl
so close in what they do.
Cliché fills everyone's heads.
And people tell them
they should date.
But they are just friends.
That's all they ever will be.
They don't need anything more.
They deny the desire to be cliché.
Both happy as it is-
friends.
They don't need a dumb cliché.

But there is a reason a cliché is so.
It is so powerfully true.
There is no escape.
I want cliché.
I want you.

Won't you be cliché with me?

Stay

You've been here for me
and for everyone else.
Watching us grow.
Watching us get better
with your help and support.
But now you are leaving us,
leaving us with another.

It's.... not yet time.
I still need you here
to show me your confidence
and belief in me.
Others may say it, too
but it means more from you.
They are friends.
You are a role model.

Supporting me.
Giving me inspiration
and confidence
to do
and believe
more than I ever thought
possible.