College.

I know I don't really post here often enough. Oh well ;-)
So I moved away to Towson University four weeks before this Tuesday. I love it. I might not yet have the greatest abundance of friends but I have my t-rumps and a handful of great others. I'm generally happier than I have been in a long time. My classes are good and mostly interesting. Band is very fun and relaxed. I think I've decided on my major. It's good.
Problems I have: I'm still behind on school work. I don't get enough sleep. My eating habits are horrid. I don't drink enough. I'm in trouble for being in a room with a bunch of people and ONE CLOSED beer can. I wasn't drinking and I'm not going to but that sucks.

I miss many people from home a lot. I'm not even going to name people but yeah seriously. In a way it feels like just yesterday since I was home and saw everyone but in another if feels like ages ago. I can't imagine going home for more than a couple of days. In a way it's surprising how quick I adapted to the changes, but not when I think about it.
I've had my depressed nights where I want nothing more than to just go home and be with everyone, but I'm good. It's all good. I'm going to stop slacking. I don't know why I'm so against doing work when it's all stuff that I really do enjoy. I just have issues I guess, lol.
I think tonight I'm mostly thinking about how much I miss some uhm people. Just not knowing everything about their life... it's such a weird change. I wanna see if we can set up some kind of bi-weekly phone call thing. That'd be nice. But I don't want to actually suggest it. I don't even know.
Well I'ma go put on lotion...and brush my teeth...and read an essay for lit tomorrow. andmaybedomynails

TUMB

Hey look I'm blogging!

So the last Harry Potter movie came out last week. Unlike many people, it wasn't the end of my childhood because, even though I've always enjoyed Potter, I didn't become totally involved until I read the books four years ago. I was already basically a teenager before I got involved so it wasn't my childhood like with other people. I cried a lot during the movie. At the things I was seeing. I felt the excitement oozing out of every person in the theater. But I did not cry at it being the end. The people I saw it with commented that they were shocked I wasn't crying and freaking out more. I kept saying that I was going to later. And I really thought I would. But I didn't. Yes, it has not completely hit yet. But I don't think that has anything to do with it. I think the ending of the movies came at the best possible time in my life. I just graduated high school! I mean, that there... the amount of effort it took just to move on was pretty immense. That came the same time I had to deal with leaving behind the marching band and facing the fact that I was going to have to soon leave behind so many people who mean so much to me. Harry Potter ending just kind of came with it. Made it all easier. I'm ready to go to Towson. I'm so excited, too. It's 35 days away. 5 weeks from today. I'm super super super excited.

The more I think about it the more it all just... makes sense. You graduate from high school. You may not want to and you may not be ready but it's something you're forced to do. And you are forced to be ready for the next step in life which is, more often than not, college. The process of graduation and leaving high school behind..it just makes you ready for college. I mean, I personally believe I was ready before graduation and I have been excited for quite a while... but it's just a way of thinking about it.

I'm super excited for TUMB. I only met maybe half of my section but so far they are all awesomeee! I feel like all of the new members alone make up the size of the WHS MB which is really awesome. I would talk more about my experience at marching band but... you know... I don't want to. It may sound dumb or mean or something but it's kinda of something that I don't want to share with everyone. Some stories and stuff and just general I'm having fun type of this, yeah. But.... it's my thing I guess. I have a new band now. I new family. I still have great friends in the high school band and I don't want anything to change with them but things kind of have to at some level. They are going to get close with some other people and I believe I am going to make a lot of friends at band and college in general. I want to stay close with everyone but realistically there are going to be some people I will end up growing apart from. I want to visit band a lot and involve myself in the high school band a lot but... I've moved on. It's not my place anymore. If I do visit everyone in a while it might just make it difficult to leave again. Especially if people don't really care when I show up. So yeah. It's not my place anymore. I wanna hear about and watch the band. But... yeah. Not mine. Just like the college thing is mine. TUMB is my place to be and talk about and I want to talk to my friends about it and everything but they are not there and it's not really their place to be... yet. It's the same, really.

I keep getting a lonely and feel like...i dunno. It's just constantly in the back of my mind. But I don't really want to talk about that because... I guess it doesn't matter.

So my mood.... content.

Hi.

Katie told me to blog so hi.

So I graduated two days ago. Yeahh!
I only teared up one and that was when I looked over at the band and saw some specific people.
Though when I was talking to band people afterwards I was a little choked up and you could hear it in my voice and the fact that I was stuttering and such. I had to go over to band becasue Luke was using my trumpet. Because he left his at school. hahaha. I saw and hugged Shannon, Savannah, and Sara and then I saw Perry and tol him that he had to hug me and then we were talking/arguing and my mom told us to get a picture so we did and then my mom made me take a picture with Drake which was slightly weird but, you know.... he's awesome.
After graduation we went to Applebees which was lots of fun and my tummy almost exploded after. But that's okay.

I intend on visiting sectionals during one day of June band camp... as long as my potential trip to New York does not occur then. That's basically the only week this summer both Emma and I can do this thing but we are currently thinking of soing it the 19th-21st. So I would still be able to visit band camp. It's not finalized yet, though. And my mom said she would talk about it on Sunday. Which was ysterday. And we still have not.
Well. First she told me that if I bring a friend I could go.
Then she took that back and said I would have to bring her and pay for her.
Okay. I'll do that.
Now she still has to think about it.
I'm tired of her recent habit to go back on every freaking thing she says.
BUT ANYWAY. I'm super super excited because I think it will actually happen and won't be too expensive and it will be amazing.
Yay.

So my party is Friday.
I'm super super excited. I have the best possible group of friends coming.
I just printed the picture Savannah drew so that I can put it on the cake.
I'm going to have bubbles and a pinata and other fun things.
Like guitar hero.
If you ask me why I thought to have guitar hero I will not tell you.
Actually I might.
Becuase it's pretty obvious.

Rebekka, I hope you realize that we need to spend tons of time together these next few weeks.
You're my favorite senior.
Of....NO
2011 graduate
and I <3 you
and miss you
and yeah.
fun fun fun
lets do it

I'ma miss him soooo much.
More than other people because I know I will still text and hang out with other people.

What else do I have to talk about?

Harry potter. 40 days. Eek.
I kinda want to see it with --- but I know that won't happen.

Towson. 79 days. Eek.
EEEEKKKKK
we we we so excited

I have done absolutely nothing productive the past two days.
later tonight lots of productive stuff must happen.
Like continuing working on Katie's surprises.

Done.

When the coping mechanisms now only fail and there is nothing left to hold on to, you're..... lost.

To do.

I have so many plans to make plans or just plans.

1. See the musical one day this weekend
2. See Brivell at Birdie's Friday night
3. Have a movie night thing with Bekka
4. Celebrate bacon and eat bufriedos with Shannon
5. Walk to Laura's?
6. See Something Borrowed with Katie?
7. I never had that sleepover with Richard and Savannah

I like links. Don't judge me.

Songs

I'm going to make a list of songs that have a LOT of meaning behind it, not just the meaning of the song but with other people in my life and stuff that most people don't know.
I only have a few on the top of my mind so I will just add to the list as I realize them.

1. Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
2. Don't Wake Me- Skillet
3. Little Piece of Heaven- Avenged Sevenfold

productivity

Teresa needs to become a better person in all areas. So I am going to.

So I need to start actually doing my school work so I can get an A in AP bio instead of a 70.2
I know I can get an A in there... I just NEVER pay attention in class then NEVER read or do any of my work. It's bad. But if I pay attention and do my work I will get a good grade then all will be well.
Anatomy will require a little more work and studying (so dumb) but I need to get a good grade in there, too. Hey... I don't mind going in there for flex every day if I have to. What? There isn't anyone special in that advisory... nobody at all. So I am going to actually start doing my work.

Also, I am way too attached and addicted to electronic devices so I figured that, since my service is temporarily ended anyway, I will just go a little bit without service and if I need to contact someone I will try to call or facebook them. People can have my house number if they need to call me. People have survived years this way, I can, too. I think.

There are general Teresa needs to be nicer to people things. I plan on not going to my friends with my problems anymore. I feel like it's been annoying everyone and people are getting tired of hearing me complain about my life. So... whatever.

I get really upset when all of my friends are out hanging out with each other and this happens for a few days and I try contacting them to make plans but they are too busy with other people so I can't even just talk to them so I start feel alone and hated and.... very dramatic.

I really do need to start practicing more, too. I don't know why I don't. I enjoy playing.
Well there is the whole I am never able to practice becuase my parents are sleeping or sick or... whatever.

I really need to get my NHS crap done. Soon.
Along with Towson stuffs.
So much stuff to do :p
Except not really.
I just don't do anything.

I think I am going to start taking frequent walks through the woods behind my house. It passes the time, it's actually pretty legit exercise, I could talk to people's houses, it's good to be outside more, I can look and feel better, ect.

I feel like I'm drifting away from everyone and I can't stand it. I also feel like there is nothing I can do about it.

This is the most spazzy post.

Also, since I can't use my phone and I am forced off the computer at ten, I will probably have a better and healthier sleep schedule.

This past week was horrible. The worst I can recall ever having. Even through periods of my dad going through withdraws and my parents not talking and deaths. This... is the worst. I honestly can barely remember anything from the first half of the week. It is all a blur, I did nothing. i was barely even online I did no school work- not even IN class. I had horrible semi-conscious thoughts. I started tearing up randomly so many times. The most nu m b I have ever been. Then I started being less numb but instead started being really depressed and lonely and cynical. Now I just... don't even give a fuck about anything.
Yay bad words xD

SO ANYWAY. I just had to get that out. Sorry.

SO the whole point of this blog: I am going to have a new daily routine.
School
Facebook, tumblr, e-mail, ect. (just see updates and stuff)
Homework (even if it's long term some progress must be made)
Practice
Walk/secretly visit people
Relax
Sleep

This is obviously not going to stay just like that every day. But.... ya know, it's a start.
And then when I get a job everything will change. Whatever xD

College.

*joins in on bad metaphors*

So senior year of high school a lot of people are pressured into finding and picking a college. There are tons of colleges. Some are way too good for you. Some are not good enough. So you have to find those that fit. Some people know which one they are going to go to right away. While some people don't know if any will take them and end up at community college or none at all. But generally there is going to be one school that sticks out to you. So you know a little about this college, but you have to do some more research. The more you learn about this college, either you don't like it as much or you find that you love it. Say you find that you really really like it. You know a lot of people who go to that school- a lot of friends, they have a lot that you want. A nice campus, a good marching band and other clubs, decent academics, you know that with a little time you could fit right in. You like this school a lot more than you thought you would and you think that it could make that school (you know the one. The one you found out about early in high school and did more research over the years but you just don't have the right requirements to go there and you wouldn't really fit in but you still love it all the same) seem irrelevant. So you decide to apply to this school, but you're really nervous about it because it's the first place applying so you get your friend (the one who told you about the school) to help you with the application process. The school tells you that you're acceptance is on a "maybe" list. They don't know enough about you yet to know if you are a proper fit for their school. You understand that because they really don't know about you because the application process was so simple. So you decide to give the school more information about you. You will send it in as it becomes relevant and you can do nothing but hope that at one point they will find the information about you good enough to allow you to be accepted into their school.
If you're not accepted, you will probably just go back to that ill-fit school and hope that you find another well matched school that actually accepts you.
Or else you will be stuck with a school that you only applied to because you knew you would get accepted.
Or with a really great school that has everything you like, but that does not have your major.

Bleh

You know how Lortz is always all "You're not good enough to do ____"

Well, I'm not interesting enough to be so mean to people.
I'm such a boring person, and yet I can be such a jerk to my friends.

My Views on Band Seats.

I think it's great.

I think there are tons of people who are placed way way lower than where they belong. It think there are a few people placed higher than they belong.

Clarinet seating in both symphonic and concert band is way off.

Trumpet seating in Symphonic band is bad. I think there are a lot of challenges that need to be, and will be, made there. Katie Learn should not be that low. Neither should Bekka. Those are the really really off ones.

Jackie is second chair trumpet right now. I believe that a few people behind her are better than her. Drake knows. That was not purely based on score, though her score is better than theirs. She surprised Drake with how well she did. Then today, with it behind her first time reading the 1st part, I think she did surprisingly well. I honestly she was going to crap all over it. But she was actually pretty good! She has a much better range that I did when I was a freshman or when I was originally in symphnic band. Her sound is pretty decent. Like I said, there are still people better than her. But I think that being up there, she will quickly get a lot better. Rise to the challenge. Plus the two of us sound pretty good together. Not all trumpet players do. I think I also sound pretty good with Katie. But that's not the point.

Wind Ensemble. Apparently Lortz just happened to forget to explain the trumpet seating. So, I was moved from second to third. I went up to Drake today asking if I could challenge. Drake, with a bit of unbelief, asked if I was challenging Perry. I told him that I wanted to challenge Jacob because he was above me. Drake explained that I did better on the test than Jacob did. I'm second chair. But Jacob is there, because when Perry and I play first together, we sound really, really bad. So, he put Jacob there to play first with Perry becuase they sound good together. Jacob is kinda like an assistant to Perry. Drake basically said Perry gets to boss him around a little. Then, I am on 2nd with Luke because apparently Luke and I sound good together. But Lortz couldn't explain this. That would have made my life too easy.

But yeah. This is how it works. If your test was not so great, that's what happens. If you believe, or likely KNOW you're not where you belong, challenge. Or ask someone to challenge you. I don't know why you would do that. But whatever.

Challenging is really simple. You may be someone who gets really really nervous, but if you practice enough some of the nerves go away.

If you don't like what happened, stop complaining about it and fix it.

Updatee

So I havn't blogged in a while. I don't really have a reason. I just don't have anything to talk about. I've been really unhappy lately. There are a few reasons why and things to talk about there, but I don't like making depressed posts. Especially because when I start writing about why I'm unhappy I either feel stupid or things just get darker and I admit things that I don't admit to people. And it's usually not so fun.

New semester tomorrow.
First mod, AP Biology. I'm really excited for it. Erin V. and Zach G. from band are going to be in my class. That's exciting. :D

Second mod, H. Human Anatomy
I had to drop AP Music Theory for this which I really really really really really hate. Because I LOVE Theory it's so much fun and I love the stuff learned are there are going to be great people in the class and... I really wanna take it. But I need to think of my new non-musical future. Which means taking this class. At least Richard is in it!! :D

The rest of my day is the same as it is now: All band.

The part that sucks? I'm pretty sure Perry is not going to have 3rd lunch next semester. There goes our fail practice sessions. :/

I really don't have anything to say. So I'll go pee.

Oh! I got nutella yesterday. :3

From last night.

Why are boys so dumb? Why are they SOO against it when people care about them? Especially when the people that care are the people that are supposedly their best friends? If someone is going to care about you it’s going to be your friend. Friends are the only ones that you can count on being there all the time. When you push them away over and over they are going to break and shatter and fall apart and cry. And if you are so against them caring, you won’t care what you do to them. How you make them feel. How much you break them. Yet, no matter how much you push them away and make them feel useless, they still care. So, when you act like you never did them any wrong and come back into their life, they accept it. They will just go along with it and not say anything, which only makes things worse the next time it happens. Wouldn’t a true friend be someone who actually cares? Who will go back to you if you ask, without question or any words being spoken. At some point, after constantly being pushed away and hurt, they are going to have to figure out how much they care, and if they are willing to put themselves through all of that for you. If she cares enough she will. She definitely cares. Loves. In love.

/rant

D:

Me: I know you're not going to respond to this... you're probably busy hanging out with your real friends, as you put it.
But why does it really matter if I care?

Perry: IDK

Me: Yeah I Didn't Think You Would Actually Answer.

Perry: HAHA

Me: You make me sad

Perry: WHY

Me: Because you a jerk. And say I'm not your friend. And ignore me.

Perry: I DONT IGNORE U LIKE U DO TO ME

Me: I started ignoring you when you said I wasn't your friend

Perry: HAHA I NEVER SAID THOSE WORDS

Me: Not those exact words but thats what you said

Perry: I WAS KIDDING

Me: Not at first

Perry: HAHA IT WORKED

Me: What?

Perry: NOTHING IMA GO TO BED SUPER TIRED GOT CHURCH TOMORROW

Me:Well apparently I shouldn't care about you so why should I care if you're tired?
Okay. Bye.

Perry: JERK

Me: How?

That's all right now.

Don't Worry

In a totally not suicidal just kinda weird and morbid way I often wonder about who would come to my funeral if I died.

We Are Who We Areeee

It's almost 11 and the lovely Katie got me sick so I really should be going to sleep soon but I don't want to.

As recently, I'm worried about him. I wish there was more I could do for him. I'm proud of him for finally standing up for himself. He was "talking" to her, flirting. We all knew he was going back- again. Yesterday we were texting (I keep finding excuses to text him or message him because I want to be there for him but I don't know how. Becka doesn't think there really is a way to.) Anyway, we were texting and he randomly told me that he told her he can't date her. I'm not going to put the details... I'm always unsure about posting details of things he tells me because I'm never sure if it's something he doesn't want the general public to know or if he doesn't care.

My weekend was weirdly good. I argued with my parents too much Saturday, but other than that it's been awesome. Friday I went to the mall with Katie and Richard and Shannon. That was filled with plenty of fun. Especially "If you want to stalk me I'm in Dick's" Hahahaha. That was fun. Then Saturday I went to Katie's house to watch the Ravens/Steelers game. Very entertaining, even though spending so much time around her got me SICK! Jerk. <3>
I feel bad I did not practice at all, but I've had too much fun this weekend. It would have been perfect if my parents let me make sammiches in the theater. ;)

Oh yeah! For Christmas Becka got these friendship bracelet things made by Kenyan women.... they're really pretty. There were instructions to them. Each best friend puts one on then cuts the little string tieing them together while wishing for something. I like 'em.

So the weather in the morning is not supposed to be good. Nobody thinks we are gong to have school. In a way that's good... but I really want to see how he is doing. I could call him, but I don't want to flood him with care, that's annoying. I could also message him but it the same idea. Even if I did I know he would lie... but if I seem him in person I'd be able to tell.

So, I told my mom that if I didn't have a date for prom I was going to bring Katie. She didn't really respond... then a few minutes later said I should bring my friend Perry.
LOL
Ideally I'd have a date....but if not, whatever. I don't have many super close guy friends to ask as friends.
HEY RICHARD!
Haha.... but seriously. I don't know.
Good thing it's a while away.

I don't really have much to say.
It's been a really nice weekend.

I have Ke$ha stuck in my head.

Wake me up when September comes.

My parents get upset when I say how I can't freaking wait to go away to college and as far as possible, then they say or do stuff that makes me want to go even more. See, for no reason at all it's better for me to sit at home all day on tumblr and watching Degrassi than actually going out 2-3 hours a day and having a small social life. I can't even practice when I'm home because my family sleeps ALL THE TIME. I can only do anything once a week, if that. It's not like I'm a bad kid or get in trouble at all. And half the time they don't even drive me when they finally say I can do whatever it is, making me feel like crap for always asking my friends parents for rides. I can't drive with other teenagers and God knows they won't help me learn to drive myself. You'd think that after a while they would realize that if it wasn't for these friends they almost never let me see I wouldn't even be here.

/rant

Luke here, with an update... Wait.

Hey! I'm blogging just because I can and not because I have something to rant about.

So if you get the title, you are awesome.

Hey! Want to know something exciting?? Maryland might legalize gay marriage! I'm entirely too happy about this. I told my mom, and my sister.... and I was too enthusiastic about it. They probably think I'm a lesbian. Haha, nope. But it's pretty fantastic. xD
My mom said she didn't really care either way, if two people wanted to get married there are enough states that allow gay marriage they can get married there.
That's not the freaking point. *sigh* The more states that accept gay marriage, the closer America is to legalizing and acknowledging gay marriage. She said it didn't matter because it would happen eventually anyway. Still, not the point. :P
My parents are not the most supportive of LGBT.

So... it's a snow day today. I was quite excited when I found out. Sleep good. Even though it's almost two thirty my dad still is not up, so I have not been able to practice at all today. *sigh* I really freaking hate how much my family sleeps. People stay in bed until three ish, and then stay up all night. Then my mom naps all the time. It's too dysfunctional. I mean, I'm all for being different or whatever, but a little normalcy is nice. Is normalcy even a word? I don't care. Haha. But it's just too much... especially when it stops me from ever practicing.

You know.... ever since I made the decision to minor in music I've had more fun with music. I've thought about it more seriously, I've tried fixing the things I've been needing to fix.... I just can't wait until college when I can have lessons.... xD

Do do do.... I like Harry Potter.

Gaaaahhhhhh! I wanna practice so much right now....

I was talking to Katie about this last night... the thing that makes me hesitant to go away to college is leaving all of my friends behind. Most of my closest friends are juniors and sophomores... I don't want to have my friends as just people of my past. There are a few people who I know I will stay in contact with, but there are also some I'm afraid I will lose contact with. Which is scary. Really really scary.

My life has been pretty boring lately. Other than dumb issues with some, uh, people... I've been fine. I hate that I never get anything done during lunch, and I'm going to try and fix that. I love my friends and I want to be there for them but sometimes I need to put my own needs before theirs after a while.

My past few weeks have been sent sitting on the couch, watching the recorded episodes of the month long Degrassi marathon, refreshing Facebook and Tumblr every two minutes..... Then practicing if I EVER get the chance. Which I usually don't really. Because dumb people in my house sleep too much. I have Going Bovine and I really really want to read it, but I want to finish the 20th century Novel book first, because I don't really like reading two books at once. But I don't have much desire to read this book, it's Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. So I'm probably going to end up starting Going Bovine once this class is over. I love this class, but I do hate reading on a schedule.

I really want to hang out with friends. There are plenty of friends who I have not hung out with enough recently. And by plenty I mean all of them. Do you think my dad would let me do something everyday this weekend? I don't. He is against me having that much fun. I have no idea why. It's not like I need to stay home to do school work, I don't have much of that. It's not like I do anything bad.

Maybe I will force Shannon and Richard to let me join them if they actually make sammiches while seeing Tangled. ;-)
And Becka and I need to have a Tinkerbell and Princess and the Frog sleepover. We have been talking about such a sleepover, or at least a Tinkerbell sleepover, for over a year and it still has not happened.... :p So we should do that soon.
We still have not had a section party. I think, or really... know Perry is basically putting that all in my hands. Hey Katie! Lets plan this shindig. Haha
I miss Khai a lot... and Laura. I don't know if Laura is allowed to really do anything, but I definitely wanna hang out with Khai sometime soon.

So I lost my chapstick a while ago and I havn't gotten more yet, and it's completely driving me crazy because I usually use it 57q34209u times a day. I totally put the q and u in there on purpose. What?

I'm way too excited to see who is going to be in what band next year. Obviously I'm going to graduate and be gone, but I still an really interested. I plan on visiting the marching band a large amount during band camp, and when they come to Towson. If I go to Towson. I'm still thinking about McDaniel. ;-)

Oh, most of you don't know. I'm becoming a bit of a RAVENS fan. I want to watch the games every week, but I usually don't get to because the only person in my house who will stand watching it is my dad and he always leaves to watch it at a friends. But I'm freaking excited for them and all. Seriously.

So I'm going to go now so I stop rambling about unimportant annoying stuff.

I have too much fun with colors.... :P
That don't even look good together.

fyi

Just for the record: for all who know I felt like crap yesterday. I'm better now, I guess. :)

MUSIC

Some of you might know, others of you not. So two weeks ago I was planning on majoring in Music. Music, music ed., anything in music. Then I had a conversation with my band director and he made me aware of other options and such.... told me what he thinks of everything related to any of that stuff. It was a nice conversation, but made me think lots and lots.
But that's not what I'm really here to talk about.
Recently I officially decided to major in biology instead of music. I'm going to minor in music instead. I really liked this decision and blah blah.... I plan to go to Towson for a year or two then transferring to John Hopkins.
So, yesterday during Flex I went down to the band room and told my band director, Mr. Drake, that I have made this decision of minoring. He was very happy for me. He asked what I was going to major in, I said biology. I told him that after a year or two at Towson I want to go to Hopkins, if I can get the grades. He said that I will, because I work hard... or something like that. It made me feel special. xD Haha. But yeah.... he said he really thinks I should minor in music.
I told him I would get the music he lent me for auditions back to him soon, he told me to hold on to them. I'll need them at some point another or... something. And it's really fun to play.

Then today I went after the end of third mod/the begining of lunch to get music from him for Shannon. As he was making a copy of the music he started the conversation back up with me. He wanted me to be sure that he thinks it's a great idea for me to minor in music. That he knows I'm serious about it and going further into is really the thing for me to do with how much I care and the potential I show, but I'm just not at a major-in-music level. He said he fully believes that in the near future things will really begin fitting together even more, but the one thing that I need to get better and to fix little things is a private teacher, but that's not something I have right now or will be able to have really anytime soon, and he knows that. Dumb money. But yeah... he said that after being so enthusiastic about me telling him i was going to minor in music he thought back and decided he should make sure I knew that he wasn't glad about my decision because he didn't think I was or could be good enough but because he thought well... I already said basically what he thinks. He talked about how being around the really good players at Towson, just being around them, will help me be able to improve tons. Then, when I go to Hopkins minoring in music I'll probably play side by side with the AMAZING musicians at peabody which could make me even better. Something I can't have here. Perry is really good, but still finding his own way. Drake said even Ellett (A really really amazing trumpet player who graduated a few years ago) wouldn't have given that (when he was in high school.) Also, Biology is something that will provide a more stable life, as far as money goes. And I can always go to graduate school to get a masters in music, so I will still be able to become a professional musician with this option. At some point I mentioned McDaniel and really all he said about that is that Rachel works there. Of course I know who she is, her last name is something like Zefner but I have no idea if that's spelled right. She's an amazing player and an amazing teacher. He told me that she is the one who teaches Sam something or another from Century HS... then, in case I didn't know who she was, clarified that she is the 1st chair all county trumpet player. (she was last year, too. And she's in Peabody Youth Orchestra, and she was in Jr. All State her freshman year.... haha Perry and I met her at the all county auditions) I pointed out that Luke goes to her. He also said that's who he is going to send Zach (his private student- he is in 8th grade right now) to next year because he can't private teach kids from his school. Apparently if I went up to him right now and asked about teachers he would immediately give me her information. This is all unimportant, but yeah.... that's what happened. It was cool....

Then i ended the conversation telling him that Perry was going to kill me for saying anything but he's been mopy and hating band and wanting to give up because he feels like he sucks and isn't getting any better and feels bad about everything. I told him I told Perry to talk to him but he wouldn't so yeah. He thanked me for bringing it to my attention. Haha. During lunch I told Perry that I told Drake. I knew he would be mad... he was.... they had a nice talk at the beginning of band though. Apparently, in this conversation, Drake told Perry not to be mad at me for telling. Hahaha.

Yupp, that's it. I'm excited.

What I'm not excited for is how hard it is to talk to People the minimal amount possible. Especially when he taunts me from across a crowded band room.

Aaaaahhhh.

My title's are always so spazzy and not very good at all.
Sorry.
You'll get over it. ;P

So you guys, my lovely five followers, need to give me your opinion. When I say he you know exactly who I'm talking about, right? Good.
We have been having this slight ongoing argument.... about me putting up an apathetic front about so much and also about how I never tell him stuff. The two are completely related and all and I want to fix it more than anyone knows but I don't know how. I told him if I started telling him more he would realize I care, but I have other reasons for not telling him. Like him realizing just how creepy it is how much I like him, or realizing how much of a loser I am, or....really, anything that makes me worried that... him knowing will make him hesitant to stay friends.
He was watching some program TV show thing this weekend and on it the guy said something about pretending like you don't care might seem like it will stop you from getting hurt more but really it only makes it worse for whatever reason, and hearing that reminded him of me. I told him I know that, but whatever. I want to stop, I really do, I just don't know how. I realize we're going to have this disagreement until I fix it.... but I just don't know how.

I was thinking about telling him about my blog. Saying that if he wants to know stuff, he should go there. Either this one or tumblr. But to do that would mean deleting some of the heavier posts about him and I don't know if I want to do it/ if it's worth it. Especially since, chances are, he won't care enough to read anything anyway. That's been made more than obvious, I think. But that's another story. Him being weird lately. Hmm....

Anyway, what do you think I should, lovely followers? I said my real options throughout this post and I neeeeed help.