College.

I know I don't really post here often enough. Oh well ;-)
So I moved away to Towson University four weeks before this Tuesday. I love it. I might not yet have the greatest abundance of friends but I have my t-rumps and a handful of great others. I'm generally happier than I have been in a long time. My classes are good and mostly interesting. Band is very fun and relaxed. I think I've decided on my major. It's good.
Problems I have: I'm still behind on school work. I don't get enough sleep. My eating habits are horrid. I don't drink enough. I'm in trouble for being in a room with a bunch of people and ONE CLOSED beer can. I wasn't drinking and I'm not going to but that sucks.

I miss many people from home a lot. I'm not even going to name people but yeah seriously. In a way it feels like just yesterday since I was home and saw everyone but in another if feels like ages ago. I can't imagine going home for more than a couple of days. In a way it's surprising how quick I adapted to the changes, but not when I think about it.
I've had my depressed nights where I want nothing more than to just go home and be with everyone, but I'm good. It's all good. I'm going to stop slacking. I don't know why I'm so against doing work when it's all stuff that I really do enjoy. I just have issues I guess, lol.
I think tonight I'm mostly thinking about how much I miss some uhm people. Just not knowing everything about their life... it's such a weird change. I wanna see if we can set up some kind of bi-weekly phone call thing. That'd be nice. But I don't want to actually suggest it. I don't even know.
Well I'ma go put on lotion...and brush my teeth...and read an essay for lit tomorrow. andmaybedomynails

TUMB

Hey look I'm blogging!

So the last Harry Potter movie came out last week. Unlike many people, it wasn't the end of my childhood because, even though I've always enjoyed Potter, I didn't become totally involved until I read the books four years ago. I was already basically a teenager before I got involved so it wasn't my childhood like with other people. I cried a lot during the movie. At the things I was seeing. I felt the excitement oozing out of every person in the theater. But I did not cry at it being the end. The people I saw it with commented that they were shocked I wasn't crying and freaking out more. I kept saying that I was going to later. And I really thought I would. But I didn't. Yes, it has not completely hit yet. But I don't think that has anything to do with it. I think the ending of the movies came at the best possible time in my life. I just graduated high school! I mean, that there... the amount of effort it took just to move on was pretty immense. That came the same time I had to deal with leaving behind the marching band and facing the fact that I was going to have to soon leave behind so many people who mean so much to me. Harry Potter ending just kind of came with it. Made it all easier. I'm ready to go to Towson. I'm so excited, too. It's 35 days away. 5 weeks from today. I'm super super super excited.

The more I think about it the more it all just... makes sense. You graduate from high school. You may not want to and you may not be ready but it's something you're forced to do. And you are forced to be ready for the next step in life which is, more often than not, college. The process of graduation and leaving high school behind..it just makes you ready for college. I mean, I personally believe I was ready before graduation and I have been excited for quite a while... but it's just a way of thinking about it.

I'm super excited for TUMB. I only met maybe half of my section but so far they are all awesomeee! I feel like all of the new members alone make up the size of the WHS MB which is really awesome. I would talk more about my experience at marching band but... you know... I don't want to. It may sound dumb or mean or something but it's kinda of something that I don't want to share with everyone. Some stories and stuff and just general I'm having fun type of this, yeah. But.... it's my thing I guess. I have a new band now. I new family. I still have great friends in the high school band and I don't want anything to change with them but things kind of have to at some level. They are going to get close with some other people and I believe I am going to make a lot of friends at band and college in general. I want to stay close with everyone but realistically there are going to be some people I will end up growing apart from. I want to visit band a lot and involve myself in the high school band a lot but... I've moved on. It's not my place anymore. If I do visit everyone in a while it might just make it difficult to leave again. Especially if people don't really care when I show up. So yeah. It's not my place anymore. I wanna hear about and watch the band. But... yeah. Not mine. Just like the college thing is mine. TUMB is my place to be and talk about and I want to talk to my friends about it and everything but they are not there and it's not really their place to be... yet. It's the same, really.

I keep getting a lonely and feel like...i dunno. It's just constantly in the back of my mind. But I don't really want to talk about that because... I guess it doesn't matter.

So my mood.... content.

Hi.

Katie told me to blog so hi.

So I graduated two days ago. Yeahh!
I only teared up one and that was when I looked over at the band and saw some specific people.
Though when I was talking to band people afterwards I was a little choked up and you could hear it in my voice and the fact that I was stuttering and such. I had to go over to band becasue Luke was using my trumpet. Because he left his at school. hahaha. I saw and hugged Shannon, Savannah, and Sara and then I saw Perry and tol him that he had to hug me and then we were talking/arguing and my mom told us to get a picture so we did and then my mom made me take a picture with Drake which was slightly weird but, you know.... he's awesome.
After graduation we went to Applebees which was lots of fun and my tummy almost exploded after. But that's okay.

I intend on visiting sectionals during one day of June band camp... as long as my potential trip to New York does not occur then. That's basically the only week this summer both Emma and I can do this thing but we are currently thinking of soing it the 19th-21st. So I would still be able to visit band camp. It's not finalized yet, though. And my mom said she would talk about it on Sunday. Which was ysterday. And we still have not.
Well. First she told me that if I bring a friend I could go.
Then she took that back and said I would have to bring her and pay for her.
Okay. I'll do that.
Now she still has to think about it.
I'm tired of her recent habit to go back on every freaking thing she says.
BUT ANYWAY. I'm super super excited because I think it will actually happen and won't be too expensive and it will be amazing.
Yay.

So my party is Friday.
I'm super super excited. I have the best possible group of friends coming.
I just printed the picture Savannah drew so that I can put it on the cake.
I'm going to have bubbles and a pinata and other fun things.
Like guitar hero.
If you ask me why I thought to have guitar hero I will not tell you.
Actually I might.
Becuase it's pretty obvious.

Rebekka, I hope you realize that we need to spend tons of time together these next few weeks.
You're my favorite senior.
Of....NO
2011 graduate
and I <3 you
and miss you
and yeah.
fun fun fun
lets do it

I'ma miss him soooo much.
More than other people because I know I will still text and hang out with other people.

What else do I have to talk about?

Harry potter. 40 days. Eek.
I kinda want to see it with --- but I know that won't happen.

Towson. 79 days. Eek.
EEEEKKKKK
we we we so excited

I have done absolutely nothing productive the past two days.
later tonight lots of productive stuff must happen.
Like continuing working on Katie's surprises.

Done.

When the coping mechanisms now only fail and there is nothing left to hold on to, you're..... lost.

To do.

I have so many plans to make plans or just plans.

1. See the musical one day this weekend
2. See Brivell at Birdie's Friday night
3. Have a movie night thing with Bekka
4. Celebrate bacon and eat bufriedos with Shannon
5. Walk to Laura's?
6. See Something Borrowed with Katie?
7. I never had that sleepover with Richard and Savannah

I like links. Don't judge me.

Songs

I'm going to make a list of songs that have a LOT of meaning behind it, not just the meaning of the song but with other people in my life and stuff that most people don't know.
I only have a few on the top of my mind so I will just add to the list as I realize them.

1. Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
2. Don't Wake Me- Skillet
3. Little Piece of Heaven- Avenged Sevenfold

productivity

Teresa needs to become a better person in all areas. So I am going to.

So I need to start actually doing my school work so I can get an A in AP bio instead of a 70.2
I know I can get an A in there... I just NEVER pay attention in class then NEVER read or do any of my work. It's bad. But if I pay attention and do my work I will get a good grade then all will be well.
Anatomy will require a little more work and studying (so dumb) but I need to get a good grade in there, too. Hey... I don't mind going in there for flex every day if I have to. What? There isn't anyone special in that advisory... nobody at all. So I am going to actually start doing my work.

Also, I am way too attached and addicted to electronic devices so I figured that, since my service is temporarily ended anyway, I will just go a little bit without service and if I need to contact someone I will try to call or facebook them. People can have my house number if they need to call me. People have survived years this way, I can, too. I think.

There are general Teresa needs to be nicer to people things. I plan on not going to my friends with my problems anymore. I feel like it's been annoying everyone and people are getting tired of hearing me complain about my life. So... whatever.

I get really upset when all of my friends are out hanging out with each other and this happens for a few days and I try contacting them to make plans but they are too busy with other people so I can't even just talk to them so I start feel alone and hated and.... very dramatic.

I really do need to start practicing more, too. I don't know why I don't. I enjoy playing.
Well there is the whole I am never able to practice becuase my parents are sleeping or sick or... whatever.

I really need to get my NHS crap done. Soon.
Along with Towson stuffs.
So much stuff to do :p
Except not really.
I just don't do anything.

I think I am going to start taking frequent walks through the woods behind my house. It passes the time, it's actually pretty legit exercise, I could talk to people's houses, it's good to be outside more, I can look and feel better, ect.

I feel like I'm drifting away from everyone and I can't stand it. I also feel like there is nothing I can do about it.

This is the most spazzy post.

Also, since I can't use my phone and I am forced off the computer at ten, I will probably have a better and healthier sleep schedule.

This past week was horrible. The worst I can recall ever having. Even through periods of my dad going through withdraws and my parents not talking and deaths. This... is the worst. I honestly can barely remember anything from the first half of the week. It is all a blur, I did nothing. i was barely even online I did no school work- not even IN class. I had horrible semi-conscious thoughts. I started tearing up randomly so many times. The most nu m b I have ever been. Then I started being less numb but instead started being really depressed and lonely and cynical. Now I just... don't even give a fuck about anything.
Yay bad words xD

SO ANYWAY. I just had to get that out. Sorry.

SO the whole point of this blog: I am going to have a new daily routine.
School
Facebook, tumblr, e-mail, ect. (just see updates and stuff)
Homework (even if it's long term some progress must be made)
Practice
Walk/secretly visit people
Relax
Sleep

This is obviously not going to stay just like that every day. But.... ya know, it's a start.
And then when I get a job everything will change. Whatever xD