Yeahh

It's been forever. I'm sorry.
Oh well.

Oh god I randomly got this feeling... of almost depression. Like the walls are closing in and... I don't even know.
It's horrible.
I don't know... who I can trust.
Who I should trust.
What I should do.

I took a nap earlier and had an amazing dream and now I wanna go back to sleep and go back to that world because it felt so nice and I know it will never be reality. I wish I could have that dram again.
God I hate... love.
FOREVER ALONEEE
haha, tumblr.
Sorry I'm spazzing.
I'm in a crappy mood.
ANd I need to practice trumpet but i NEVER can baceause my mom is sick way too much and that means she sleeps and i can't wake her up and I fuging hate it. I need to practice. Practicing is what determines if I can fulfill my dreams or not. I already have the disadvantage of not affording lessons. And now I can never practice. I hate it. I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I have a lot of work to do in not so much time.
We have marching band 9-5 tomorrow. I really don't wanna go. But I really want to make the most of this year. I do NOT want band to end. I can't stand the idea. But it is something I want to deal with on my own and don't want... sympathy for. My mom woke up so I was about to go practice when I was finished this. Grammar is fun. But now she is going back to sleep. Damn it. I hate this.
I rant a lot.
I always do my best to make my friends feel happy with what they do even if I hate it because of some dumb personal reason and I can't stand it when they refuse to do the same. I support them no matter what it is. If they believe something I don't, I support them. If they like someone I hate, I support them. But when they.... just totally bash me in return. It makes me.. . lose faith. I don't know who I can trust anymore. There are three people I can tell anything to. You don't know who you are. Only one of them I actually feel comfortable telling anything to. And she just recently came back into my life as more than just a passing friend. Having a best friend is amazing. Sometimes you wonder why they pick you as that person to trust beyond anything and to label best friend. Other times it makes too much sense.

My pants are soft.

So someone made me realize that I jokingly insult things and people a lot. That might be okay with a lot of my friends..... but for other ones that I care about equally as much even though they may not know it, it's not okay. And I need to fix it. I have a silly agreement with one of them to fix it. I don't think he knows I'm serious about it.

I'm so bored. This is what I do when I have nothing to do.
Spazzingly rant.

So I promised myself I wouldn't let silly drama and boys and such affect my life anymore. I can't deal with that right now. It makes life a lot easier. Except when people attempt to drag me into stuff anyway. I don't wanna deal with drama anymore. I want to stop caring what he did or what she did or what he or she thinks. I wanna start living my life for me. I have not done that yet. Things would be a lot better if I were to start. I still am a normal teenager and want to be in a relationship.... but I just know that's not going to happen anytime soon. So I have to deal with it. It's even worse when my friends complain whenever I come close to finding something to make me happy.

I feel unwanted.
That happens a lot.
The only people who can change that are my best friend and him.