Redone.

So, I am very unhappy with how my "Thoughts" poem turned out. So, I took the same idea and inspiration and rewrote it. I'm not sure how I feel about this one either. Tell me what your opinion is, please. Is it better? Or worse?

On my mind
these words
these thoughts
So carefully planned.

I want you to hear them
I need you to know.
What I think
And what I feel.

I open my mouth
Ready to speak them to you
When they come out
my words have changed.

I tell you something different
Meaningless
Untrue

As you reply with your equally
Meaningless
response, I can’t help but wonder
why you’ll never know.

Talent

Yet another unedited poem.
:p

Some of us have it.
Some of us don't.
Some of us use it.
Some of us throw it aside.
Some of us don't have it.
But use it anyway.

That is me.
I work
and work
and work
but seem to never achive
what needs to be.

I can not seem to develop talent.
You tell me I am good.
I am better than I think.
That I have achieved talent.
I know you only lie.

You do, though.
You are, have always been
great.
But you deny it.
I tell you you're good.
You are better than you think.
That you have achieved talent.
I know it's true.

That's the same thing you tell me.
Niether of us will believe it to be
true.
We both believe the other is good
and insist it is true.
I am sure you are, though.

Maybe it is true.
Maybe you really do think so.
Maybe I have achieved some.

Think

So, this blog is becoming a bit of a poem sharing blog. *shrug*
It's not like I'm going to put them on facebook or anything!
I really do not feel comfortable showing them to.... well, anyone.
*shrugs.*

I have a tendency to get an idea for a poem.
Think about it for at LEAST a week.
Finally write the poem... in 5-10 minutes.
Post it.
Realize I should have spent more time editing it because it sucks.
Then repeat.

That process is no different for this. xD
Btw, that's my excuses for the extreme level of suck.

*moves ribbon*
Dang.

Here I stand
thinking
of what to say
to you.
My response.
My thoughts.
They must be spoken-
communicated to you.

I clear my thought.
I know what to say.
What you will soon know.

I open my mouth-
speak.
Words come out.
Words I spoke.

I can not help but wonder
why they are so different from
those thoughts
I meant
and were so
carefully produced.

Ribbons are fun.

Do you, random reader, know what I hate?
I hate being so dang pessimistic.
I don't think I really need to explain why I hate it... it's kinda self explanatory, is it not?

I was watching someone (Alex Day) vlog on youtube, and he was wearing this bracelet.
He furthered explained the reasoning behind the bracelet and the challenge it brings.
It's a challenge I am going to take, as well.
I don't have any fancy bracelet, so I'm just going to use a ribbon I like to wear around my writs a lot.

The challenge is to wear the same one bracelet/ribbon on the same one wrist for a full 21 days.
Easy, right?
Nope.
Every time you complain about something you have to switch which wrist it's on. And, as I said, it has to stay on the SAME wrist for 21 days. So, each time you complain the 21 days begins.
The idea is... if you go 21 days with building that habit, it'll stick.
It's awesome.
I'm going to alter it slightly, though.
Every time I say something negative, I have to switch wrists.
That includes stuff like "You're dumb", "This'll suck", " I suck", ect.
Hopefully I will reverse my habit of negativity.

So, Katie, if you see me play with a ribbon constantly during sectionals and constantly move it... you know why. And you have permission to laugh at me. xD

Oh, July.

I've been..... criticized for being a bit... pessimistic at band.
I know that I am.
I know it's obnoxious.
But it's nothing more than me being hard on myself.
That I know how good we are going to be, and it's frustrating not getting there quicker.
It's the same as last month. Everyone is good. The trumpets are rocking. Seconds and thirds.... wow. I'm proud of everyone and I am proud to be a part of the section and band. But ME not being above anything is..... gah. Idk. If I make a comment such as "this is going to be out of tune" I mean I (hmm... I would've capitalized that even if it wasn't natural to capitalize "i") am going to out of tune. I'm hard on myself and can't feel like I am where I should be.... which is not helped by... *cough* yeah. That's a rant for another time.

Hmm... I think I am going to write a little message on here for each person in the trumpet section- the thing I really want to tell anyone but would be too afraid too/can't right now. .... but not have names because... I can. I think that can explain my camp more than ranting would.

Dude. You can really rock. You've proved that more than once. Just prove it again by making sure you keep your head in the game. You've always been spacey. But you have to fix that.

You're doing good. Really. But you need to find that next level of intensity and realize that it's not as much fun and games as you think. You need to change the way you thin k when moving and playing. Act like... you are the best person on that field. Have that much confidence and intensity to yourself, but also try to really be the best person on the field by doing anything to improve yourself.

You know what? I was thinking about you. Not that I hate you. But I hate the little things you say or do. You've made it very clear you don't want me there. You don't think I belong there. And then you get frustrated when I tell myself I don't belong there and express it with my actions?? Really? You told ME when you thought that horrible thing happened. Not him, or him, or her, but me. You knew I would be there if you needed it... why can't you do the same? I could rant about the many things you say for a while. But I won't. Because I really do not want to have a complete mental breakdown, and I know I will if I unravel all of those forgotten things you have said or done. Why do you have this impact on me?

I love you. But you're acting like her. You know... her. The person you say you hate.

I'm sorry. I know you are better than me, but that darn trumpet pride, ya know? That could probably change if you could start treating more of an equal. I know he isn't helping, but please? I could prove I deserve to be here if you just let me feel more confident.

I love you (dearly not queerly). I hate that there is/was something bothering you. You're awesomesauce. You've really done a lot this camp. A lot of improvement. It's cheesy saying, but I'm proud of you! xD Just.... remember you're good, okay? I feel like you forget it at times or... something. But you're definitely awesome. Just remember.

Wow. You're good. Has someone said that to you? I'm sure they have. Just remember this and be confident. We have a lot of confidence in you, Mr. Rookie.

I can't think of much to say to you except to practice more to get/keep the feel. Of both. Or else you'll fail in September. And that comment at the end of the day. o.o Do you know that I still....

Okay, I'm back to you again. I'm texting you right now, explaining what I hate about you. And then it makes me mad that you are just so freaking.... awesome about it. Like you really did not realize how much it bothers me and you want me to feel better about it all. Maybe that's why you have this impact on me. There is still more that bothers me a lot, though. Like those weird comments with him..... that seem almost... coded.

I haz no title. :o

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can never hurt me.
Words can never hurt me.
Words will never hurt me.
Words are too beautiful
Too precious
Too possible
Words will never hurt me.
Worlds will always help me.

I need to speak
to write
to explain my splattered brain.
Pencil to paper
Fingers to keys
Words come
they flow
from me
to you
to anyone
willing
to accept them.
The beautiful letters they hold
The meanings
A series of curves and lines
So beautiful
So precious
So powerful

They may never hurt me.
They can only allow me to
do
and be
and feel
good.

My favorite book

So, I lied. I found this poem I wrote a while ago and was told to post it. xD

Slowly, I walk
to your beautiful, colorful shelf.
I life my hand,
slowly tracing the volumes lined around you.
So many insignificant chapters
pointless words
irrelevant messages.
Then I am stopped
as if by an unknown control.
I stroke your spine
reading the words placed there.
Even such wonderful words
seem like nothing compared to the
magic beneath them.
Gently, I pull you out,
slowly turning the first pages.
Finally, I am home.

Let us like.

Last night I needed to write.
My mind was spazzing with so many frayed ideas.
I couldn't concentrate on doing anything or on just one of these ideas.
So I decided to write.
I wanted a quote to write off of.
I figured that would help me pick an idea to go off of and allow me to write with out a lot of ranting and rambling.
In my search for a quote I got slightly distracted.
I love vlogbrothers quotes.
A lot of them could have been used to write, but I chose not to at the time.
But this whole time, my mind was still aching with the need to write something.
Anything.
So I went to bed that night, got the journal and pen on my bedside table, and wrote.
I wanted to write some sort of narrative story, but I still had not picked a quote to go from, so I just wrote poems.
They both turned out pretty ranty and suckish, but I'm happy with how they turned out.
When I was finished, I told myself I was going to put them here, on my blog, today.
But then I realized that I'm not going to do that.
Not only because I don't believe in my writing abilities, but because my writings sometimes have topics that I write about only because I can't say it out loud.
I try to hide my largest insecurities or things that bother me from most people.
Posting poems that explore these topics would not be hiding them.
So, while I love writing, and love sharing my splattered brain with people, I can't.
Not until I write about more in general, not about what I know and feel.
I tend to write about things that make me sad or angry, not things that make me happy.
Why is that, though?
Why do people tend to dwell on things that are negative, and not positive?
Arn't the feelings just as strong?
It's like Hang Green said, "I think that it's important to like stuff, cause we spend a lot of time thinking about things we don't like. Whether its the world ending, or inequality, or sex and the city. We often just accept the things that we like, and complain a lot about the things that we don't like. But if we could, like, intensely dwell on the really great things in life the way we intensely dwell on the negative things in life; I think that would be fantastic."